Disclaimer: Paramount own the characters, but not my mind and so not this story either.

Summary: Kathryn writes down her thoughts as Voyager approaches Earth after a long journey home.

This was written today on my way to the first meeting of JCUK. Although in the end only four people could make it we all had a wonderful day, and so this is dedicated to Kayla, Karma and Gynj - love you all, and thanks for making it such a great day!

Hourglass

By LauraJo, 23 July 2000

E-mail: laura@laurajo.net

10:55
One hour to go. After twenty years of travelling we have only one hour to go until we hit Earth. Not literally, of course, unless Tom faints at the sight and thumps his head against the console; but still, an hour until Voyager docks in orbit of my home planet. It's been a long, hard journey, but as it turns out one that had all it's big leaps in the first ten years. Ten years ago we found ourselves ten years from home. After covering sixty years worth of our journey in the previous ten years, we were sure that it wouldn't be that long before we were being welcomed back into the Federation with open arms. It figures, I suppose, that it took us just as long to crawl those last few steps as it had to complete all the journey behind us. No wormholes, no help from the Borg, no alien species with a slingshot technology that would literally throw years away from our journey time. Just hard work, and travel the old fashioned way - warp drive.

11:04
Of course, we've been in contact with the Federation for years now - first, those monthly updates that we all used to look forward to so much, and more recently contact whenever we wanted it. Now we're already in Federation space but I told my superiors that Earth has been our goal from the beginning, and none of us will consider this mission complete until we get there. So we are completing this journey alone. I even refused the escort of two Galaxy Class starships to bring us these last few light years in a blaze of glory. Two *Galaxy* Class starships?! Don't they have anything better to do? After travelling this far in our 'little' ship with our averaging 150 crew compliment it's almost an insult to think that they want to give us that much 'protection' for this last, safest part of our trip. Almost. Instead I choose to take it as a sign that they are proud of us, of our achievement, and that things will be good when we get home.

11:12
Forty-three minutes to go. I was promised two years ago that, pending formal interviews to be conducted by Admirals Paris and Picard, all ex-Maquis crewmembers and Tom would be granted their freedom and their commissions, should they so choose. It took long enough for them to make their decision but the way I look at it is that at least it *is* a definite decision. Take a look at who's conducting the interviews - if that doesn't spell out 'just a formality' I don't know what does!

11:15
I honestly don't know whether Chakotay will choose to remain with Starfleet or not. I don't know whether *I* will either. The children are growing up so fast and I want to be there for them. I never thought I'd hear myself saying this, but I'm seriously considering becoming a full-time Mum. Mind you, I doubt Chakotay will let me do it. He'd tell me to just take a long holiday, then go back to the 'Fleet to the position and the promotion that they've already offered me. The second Admiral Janeway. Daddy would be proud. I suppose Chakotay's right. As much as I love spending time with the kids, and as much as I don't want them to feel as I did and experience the life that can only be described as that of a Starfleet brat, I don't think I could handle not having a job to go to, not having a life outside of my family. In the end it did work well for my parents, it can work for us too. The only difference is that I'll be the Starfleet Admiral and Chakotay will be the stay-at-home parent. Oh, I know I said I had no idea whether or not he'd retain his commission, but actually I think I do know. If I retain mine, he won't - he'll stay home.

11:25
Half an hour to go, and I can see Tom getting jumpy. He and Owen have been talking since the time when we received the first audio-only two-way communication, but I think he's still nervous about finally coming face-to-face with him. He never visited him in prison - can you imagine that? For those two, it's been more than twenty years, closer to twenty-five. I can't imagine what he must be thinking.
Owen is going to love B'Elanna and of course the twins, Katie and Juliana. I actually received a letter from him four years ago thanking me. He said that Tom left him a failure, a shadow of a man, but he was coming back to him as a decorated Starfleet Officer with a wife and two beautiful children and that it was all down to me. It's not, it's down to Tom. All I did was give him a chance.
I'm not looking forward to speaking with the Kim's. Since Harry's death I've been dreading the moment I that finally meet them face-to-face. Of course we've spoken since it happened, but this is different - they'll be face-to-face with the woman who ordered their son to his death. I've often wondered *why* I chose Harry. I could have sent any one of my senior staff, but I chose him. The one with no wife, no children. The classic 'expendable Ensign'. Only this Ensign was far from expendable. He had a name, he had a face, he was a friend. And I killed him. I've been paying for it ever since.

11:39
Our families must be gathered round to meet us by now. Mum, Phoebe, with of course Peter and their three children Tia, Michelle and Richard. Mark will be there too. Chakotay knows, and he doesn't mind. He knows that Mark is nothing more to me now than a dear friend, and Mark of course knows all about my family, I told him years ago. Who knows, maybe one of his kids will end up with ones of ours, Shya has been writing to David a lot recently...

11:46
I'd better put this down in a minute, Tuvok is starting to give me strange looks. That raised eyebrow speaks a thousand words - 'you should be doing shipwide systems checks before we dock, not sitting writing who knows what on that PADD'. Of course, those wouldn't be his precise words. He'd probably use more.
Chakotay just arrived on the bridge with B'Elanna, and all the Janeway and Paris kids. We sent out a memo that it was fine for all families to arrange to be together when we docked, so long as all posts are manned by *someone*. It was just an excuse really to get our two on the bridge, but it worked so who cares!
I really do have to put this away now, I don't want Shya or Nicholas to read it yet. It's for when they're older, so that they know what their Mum was thinking in the last hour.

11:54
We've dropped out of warp, down from impulse, we're using just thrusters now.
Home, we're home.

THE END

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